With love and so many thanks

A couple of weeks ago, I went to get my hair cut at Amir Salon. I first went to Amir about two or three years ago and he gave me the best haircut I had ever had. When I walked in again, Amir recognized me, but he could not place me. I explained that he had cut my hair once before, and that I had lived nearby, but that I had moved, and – I told him what happened.  

--

I pulled out of the driveway of my house in Pittsburgh on March 30, 2017, with my two dogs, and as many of my things that fit into my car. I will always remember that day, as one of the most influential moments of my life. That moment, and the months that followed have tested my faith and have forced me to take a hard look inside, as I have shared.

It is hard to say that I am “thankful” for that moment – I never wanted this, I never imagined I would be not yet 30 and divorced.

“You are lucky, you get to start over completely,” they say.
I hear you, but that does not make any of this less challenging.

“Thank goodness you did not have kids,” they say.
Thank goodness, but I wanted them so badly…I wanted to be a mom… so. badly.  

My exhausted heart has spent so much time thinking about

The things he did, and the things he said, and why.

The things I did, and the things I said, or did not say, and why.

Why some people I have known for years never reached out after I told them. Was I a bad friend? Did I let them down? Or is this just how it goes?

But, my good heart is learning to take this searing, influential moment and be thankful

That he did not move me across the country

For the years of growth we had together and those moments

For these moments now to reflect, to learn, and to grow – emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially…

In these moments, I often find myself thinking about my family, my friends, my colleagues, and my classmates – you have been a constant source of encouragement, optimism, and love. Thank you for: 

Your phone calls, your texts, and your emails. 

Listening to me when I make sense, and when I make none at all.    

Taking time off work to help me pack and move.

Making sure I did not have a panic attack doing it.

Getting breakfast, coffee, lunch, dinner, and drinks with me.

Inviting me to your homes to visit and to your birthday parties.

Your company at weddings, concerts, shows, workouts, and the nail salon.

Making new memories with me in places I thought I could never look at again with a smile.

Informing me that cheese and crackers was not an acceptable dinner for two weeks straight.

Agreeing that perusing Target was an acceptable Saturday night activity.

Changing my name and removing any photos in the team room before I even looked up. 

Teaching me how to use Snapchat filters. I think I might actually be a Millennial now. 

Pulling me through to Year 3 – giving me a new headset, correcting my calculations in just about every course, but most of all, for making me laugh.

The late nights – the fun ones and that one where you let me talk/cry it out over a bottomless glass of wine.

--

There is this theory that women get their hair cut after they face transformational moments – marriage, moving, new job, promotion, divorce etc. Amir later confessed that when I walked in, that he thought I looked so tired. He knew, just by looking at my hair, my eyes, my face… that something had happened and that I desperately needed some haircut therapy.

This is a long, hard process – I wish the transformation inside was as quick as a haircut. But, I know that I am beyond blessed with an incredible support team (and amazing hair).

with love and so many thanks,

KB