Woman up
My mom recently told me to “woman up”. She was helping me navigate the mysterious “third date rule” – which may really be five dates in today’s world… or eight…who knows. Millennials change all the “rules” and as a “rule-follower”, this was very confusing – so, bring in the Baby Boomer to clear it all up.
There are so many unwritten “rules” and terms in dating – I've learned. It’s almost like government contracting, except for “funner”! Someone out there needs to make an Excel cheat sheet for all of this.
Mom pretty much explained “woman up” to me the same way the dictionary of all dictionaries – Urban Dictionary – did. Definition number one is listed as “Be a courageous and strong mature woman by appropriately taking action and responsibility.”
I can get behind that! Under that…on top of that. I sincerely hope you’re laughing with me here and not cringing.
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Anyway, while this was very useful advice for my dating life, it’s very much applicable to the rest of my life.
My Type-A-to-a-T personality and being professionally groomed to be a PM has often meant that I multi-task (like a champion), devise and rely on my plans and to-do lists (gotta make it happen!), and eat meals standing up in the kitchen (time is of the essence! Also, I live alone.).
My 6th grade English teacher would be horrified at my use of “gotta” or “got” or “got to” – I distinctly remember her telling me to never ever use the word “got”, ever.
This all served me very well for most of my life, and especially the past year – I reached a point where I didn’t even think about the amount of decisions I made and actions I took on a daily basis. I just did what I had to do so that I could hit the pillow at night. And just before that, I thanked God for the calendar app on my iPhone. And this was my “normal”. Responsible? Usually. Appropriate? At the time, yes. Courageous and strong? You have no idea how many times I hit snooze before I got out of bed in the morning and still made it to work on time – strength of a Titan.
My former boss – my fearless leader – used to tell me that I needed to find time to take a step back at work to look at the bigger picture and use that to inform my decision-making and my path. That would truly allow me to act appropriately and responsibly, and to also demonstrate growth and maturity.
My AP World History teachers in high school also used to tell me that I really needed to focus on the bigger picture to do well in the class. But, I swear to you there was a question on the Tokugawa shogunate on the practice exam, and I absolutely needed to know all the details about this feudal military government. Pretty sure I got a "5" on the real exam. Booyah.
The “bigger picture”, as it turns out, isn’t about the plan, or the to-do list, or any other collection of details. It’s not even about getting it all done in record time or making it – whatever “it” is – happen. The bigger picture is really about being present for and mindful of the wholeness of your life and how you lead it. That means that I sometimes have to abandon my Type A tendencies and forgo the plan – the one I had at work, the one I had for myself – and consider the new direction my life has taken me, toss the to-do lists, and ignore the "rules" – so that I am not lost and worn. That means that I also have to say the hard, but honest things that I used to not, set boundaries – this has been especially challenging for me, and sit down and eat at the table – even if I’m eating alone, so that I am not living unfulfilled, or unhappily.
That's called "womaning up" and being responsible, appropriate, and brave.
---
To the third date rule and beyond – woman up, man up, manage up – whatever you gotta (I know!) do (or not do) to behold the bigger picture.
With love,
KB
There are so many unwritten “rules” and terms in dating – I've learned. It’s almost like government contracting, except for “funner”! Someone out there needs to make an Excel cheat sheet for all of this.
Mom pretty much explained “woman up” to me the same way the dictionary of all dictionaries – Urban Dictionary – did. Definition number one is listed as “Be a courageous and strong mature woman by appropriately taking action and responsibility.”
I can get behind that! Under that…on top of that. I sincerely hope you’re laughing with me here and not cringing.
---
Anyway, while this was very useful advice for my dating life, it’s very much applicable to the rest of my life.
My Type-A-to-a-T personality and being professionally groomed to be a PM has often meant that I multi-task (like a champion), devise and rely on my plans and to-do lists (gotta make it happen!), and eat meals standing up in the kitchen (time is of the essence! Also, I live alone.).
My 6th grade English teacher would be horrified at my use of “gotta” or “got” or “got to” – I distinctly remember her telling me to never ever use the word “got”, ever.
This all served me very well for most of my life, and especially the past year – I reached a point where I didn’t even think about the amount of decisions I made and actions I took on a daily basis. I just did what I had to do so that I could hit the pillow at night. And just before that, I thanked God for the calendar app on my iPhone. And this was my “normal”. Responsible? Usually. Appropriate? At the time, yes. Courageous and strong? You have no idea how many times I hit snooze before I got out of bed in the morning and still made it to work on time – strength of a Titan.
My former boss – my fearless leader – used to tell me that I needed to find time to take a step back at work to look at the bigger picture and use that to inform my decision-making and my path. That would truly allow me to act appropriately and responsibly, and to also demonstrate growth and maturity.
My AP World History teachers in high school also used to tell me that I really needed to focus on the bigger picture to do well in the class. But, I swear to you there was a question on the Tokugawa shogunate on the practice exam, and I absolutely needed to know all the details about this feudal military government. Pretty sure I got a "5" on the real exam. Booyah.
The “bigger picture”, as it turns out, isn’t about the plan, or the to-do list, or any other collection of details. It’s not even about getting it all done in record time or making it – whatever “it” is – happen. The bigger picture is really about being present for and mindful of the wholeness of your life and how you lead it. That means that I sometimes have to abandon my Type A tendencies and forgo the plan – the one I had at work, the one I had for myself – and consider the new direction my life has taken me, toss the to-do lists, and ignore the "rules" – so that I am not lost and worn. That means that I also have to say the hard, but honest things that I used to not, set boundaries – this has been especially challenging for me, and sit down and eat at the table – even if I’m eating alone, so that I am not living unfulfilled, or unhappily.
That's called "womaning up" and being responsible, appropriate, and brave.
---
To the third date rule and beyond – woman up, man up, manage up – whatever you gotta (I know!) do (or not do) to behold the bigger picture.
With love,
KB
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