3-0
According to Forbes, your twenties are the most important and defining decade of your life. I am fairly certain my 20 year old self was unaware of the magnitude of the next decade. While many of my friends lamented turning 30, I looked forward to the day because it represented a "new beginning". Last year, unbeknownst to me at the time, I was officially divorced in the days surrounding my birthday. This past week, I had my final therapy session. Reflecting back, I may have learned the most important lessons in my 29th year - but that doesn't mean the rest of the years were all for naught.
From graduating college, to my first job, to divorce - the painful and the illuminating... what I learned about life, love, and lemon drops in my twenties:
---
1. You don't know what you don't know. And someone is always smarter than you and better at Words With Friends than you.
2. But, Mom and Dad know everything. When will I also know everything?
3. But also, just because your colleague is older than you, doesn't mean they are smarter than you.
4. The first job is the absolute hardest job to get - and probably the most taxing. Don't worry, you'll make amazing friends to commiserate with.
5. A good PM will make a plan. A great PM will stock the team room with snacks and alcohol - for after that meeting where the client called your team (made up mostly of women) "cats" (conveniently right after inauguration....). More seriously, a great PM will bond a team.
6. Work will always be there in the morning. Turn in. Read a book. Have some wine. The good wine.
7. You don't have to qualify yourself to anybody. You're qualified. Period.
8. Setting and asserting boundaries is important - boundaries tell the other person what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and how you want to be treated.
9. And if boundaries aren't respected - be a dragon and shut that down.
10. Don't be afraid to lose the guy. In the words of my dear friend: "Every man-child left behind."
11. In the words of my other dear friend: "You should be treated like a f****ing queen!"
12. "Yes, and...": For improv, brainstorming meetings, and the bedroom. "No."....for everything else. Just kidding. Sort of.
13. Margaritas, the Golden Girls, Korean face masks, and puppy snuggles can mend a broken heart.
14. Love may not conquer all, but love with abandon anyway.
15. Friends you thought you'd have forever will go... and that's ok.
16. Friends you will have forever will be there for you on the worst days and see you through every single one.
17. Seeking and attending therapy can be life changing.
18. Speaking of "life changing", buy the expensive coffee and grind it yourself every morning. Caffeine never tasted better.
19. You can lose weight doing absolutely nothing by following this plan: Drink more coffee than water (see prep notes above), eat lots of cheese, work a lot of hours. Sorry, wine isn't part of the plan.
20. You can gain weight working out all the time by following this plan: Don't set and assert your boundaries.
By the way, neither of the above is a good plan. I've inadvertently tried both.
21. Trader Joe's has the best, longest-lasting flowers. I know this because I buy flowers for myself every Sunday and I have compared them to Harris Teeter and Safeway. The Today show said having fresh flowers in your house would help you wake up happy every day.
22. Living on your own without roommates is the best. Four-legged roommates don't count.
23. The dance floor at a wedding reception is the happiest place on Earth (after the beach).
24. Politics are important to pay attention to, understand, and participate in.
25. Grammar and spelling are also important to pay attention to and understand. Please know the difference between "you're" and "your", and "it", "it's", and "its".
26. You can have three different sizes of pants in your closet and none that fit. The "bottom" line (ha-ha) is that the size doesn't matter.
27. Don't order from Amazon while distracted... Katie once ordered 64 rolls of toilet paper (different brands, too), and another time - 54 ounces of coconut oil! Don't be like Katie. *facepalm*
28. I pass out if I know that a vaccine is coming. But, I get them. And everyone please vaccinate your children. Thank you in advance.
29. Ranch dressing isn't just for salads and dipping raw vegetables - serve with chicken, potatoes, salmon burgers, regular burgers, hush puppies! ERRYTHANG!
30. Going to the movies by yourself really isn't so bad.
And one to grow on:
31. Never believe for a second that you aren't worth it. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 20 year old self that and that she would believe me and somehow understand the magnitude of that thought.
---
Just because I locked my signed, sealed, and delivered divorce papers in my safe last year around my birthday - didn't mean that I "forgot" about that decade of my life. I spent a lot of time wishing I could...and trying to... "erase" memories from then. I didn't learn the exact steps to forgive in therapy, but I learned that it doesn't mean I have to "forget". It also doesn't mean I have to talk to him or be his friend. I learned that forgiveness means being able to understand and then let go of all of the pain to move forward. I can't "erase" my twenties - and I don't want to anymore - after all, I learned at least 30 very valuable and defining lessons.
Thank you, family and friends, for all your love and thoughtfulness on my 30th birthday - I am one very blessed girl to have you all.
with love,
KB
From graduating college, to my first job, to divorce - the painful and the illuminating... what I learned about life, love, and lemon drops in my twenties:
---
1. You don't know what you don't know. And someone is always smarter than you and better at Words With Friends than you.
2. But, Mom and Dad know everything. When will I also know everything?
3. But also, just because your colleague is older than you, doesn't mean they are smarter than you.
4. The first job is the absolute hardest job to get - and probably the most taxing. Don't worry, you'll make amazing friends to commiserate with.
5. A good PM will make a plan. A great PM will stock the team room with snacks and alcohol - for after that meeting where the client called your team (made up mostly of women) "cats" (conveniently right after inauguration....). More seriously, a great PM will bond a team.
6. Work will always be there in the morning. Turn in. Read a book. Have some wine. The good wine.
7. You don't have to qualify yourself to anybody. You're qualified. Period.
8. Setting and asserting boundaries is important - boundaries tell the other person what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and how you want to be treated.
9. And if boundaries aren't respected - be a dragon and shut that down.
10. Don't be afraid to lose the guy. In the words of my dear friend: "Every man-child left behind."
11. In the words of my other dear friend: "You should be treated like a f****ing queen!"
12. "Yes, and...": For improv, brainstorming meetings, and the bedroom. "No."....for everything else. Just kidding. Sort of.
13. Margaritas, the Golden Girls, Korean face masks, and puppy snuggles can mend a broken heart.
14. Love may not conquer all, but love with abandon anyway.
15. Friends you thought you'd have forever will go... and that's ok.
16. Friends you will have forever will be there for you on the worst days and see you through every single one.
17. Seeking and attending therapy can be life changing.
18. Speaking of "life changing", buy the expensive coffee and grind it yourself every morning. Caffeine never tasted better.
19. You can lose weight doing absolutely nothing by following this plan: Drink more coffee than water (see prep notes above), eat lots of cheese, work a lot of hours. Sorry, wine isn't part of the plan.
20. You can gain weight working out all the time by following this plan: Don't set and assert your boundaries.
By the way, neither of the above is a good plan. I've inadvertently tried both.
21. Trader Joe's has the best, longest-lasting flowers. I know this because I buy flowers for myself every Sunday and I have compared them to Harris Teeter and Safeway. The Today show said having fresh flowers in your house would help you wake up happy every day.
22. Living on your own without roommates is the best. Four-legged roommates don't count.
23. The dance floor at a wedding reception is the happiest place on Earth (after the beach).
24. Politics are important to pay attention to, understand, and participate in.
25. Grammar and spelling are also important to pay attention to and understand. Please know the difference between "you're" and "your", and "it", "it's", and "its".
26. You can have three different sizes of pants in your closet and none that fit. The "bottom" line (ha-ha) is that the size doesn't matter.
27. Don't order from Amazon while distracted... Katie once ordered 64 rolls of toilet paper (different brands, too), and another time - 54 ounces of coconut oil! Don't be like Katie. *facepalm*
28. I pass out if I know that a vaccine is coming. But, I get them. And everyone please vaccinate your children. Thank you in advance.
29. Ranch dressing isn't just for salads and dipping raw vegetables - serve with chicken, potatoes, salmon burgers, regular burgers, hush puppies! ERRYTHANG!
30. Going to the movies by yourself really isn't so bad.
And one to grow on:
31. Never believe for a second that you aren't worth it. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 20 year old self that and that she would believe me and somehow understand the magnitude of that thought.
---
Just because I locked my signed, sealed, and delivered divorce papers in my safe last year around my birthday - didn't mean that I "forgot" about that decade of my life. I spent a lot of time wishing I could...and trying to... "erase" memories from then. I didn't learn the exact steps to forgive in therapy, but I learned that it doesn't mean I have to "forget". It also doesn't mean I have to talk to him or be his friend. I learned that forgiveness means being able to understand and then let go of all of the pain to move forward. I can't "erase" my twenties - and I don't want to anymore - after all, I learned at least 30 very valuable and defining lessons.
Thank you, family and friends, for all your love and thoughtfulness on my 30th birthday - I am one very blessed girl to have you all.
with love,
KB
Comments
Post a Comment
Leave a comment