Truly good

"I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart."
Anne Frank

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The past couple of weeks a lot of us have been working from home and trying to manage our jobs, families near and far, pets, chores, errands, and not check our 401ks or lose our sanity...

But, I haven't been working from home. I can't and I have no choice. I'm not a doctor or a nurse, I don't work in a grocery store, or for Amazon, or Target, or Costco... I'm a systems engineer and I work on a defense contract and the work cannot be done from home. And it cannot be done later.

I drive to work every day on a now-eerie highway and I silently freak out at my desk while trying to focus on my tasks. I wash my hands and sanitize them until they are peeling from dryness. I come out to check my phone to find it blowing up with texts and headlines...each more gut-wrenching than the one before it. I count down the hours until I can go home. That's the best I can do - go to work and come straight home.

And I remind myself that I am lucky... to have a job, a paycheck, paid time off...to have a job where I am not faced with making life and death decisions in this crisis. But, my mind stirs at night...and I lose hope and sleep... until I can talk myself down again.

.philosophy

Are humans naturally good or evil?

That was the question that one of my high school English teachers asked us during class one day. We were studying Hobbes and Rousseau.

The "Cliffs Notes" on Hobbes and Rousseau and human nature:

According to this - Hobbes thought that humans are "naturally self-interested and look out for ourselves first and foremost" and for us "to live together peacefully...we must submit ourselves to an authoritative body with the power to enforce laws and resolve conflicts" (i.e., humans are naturally evil, but if we submit to the "sovereign" we can live with rainbows and unicorns). 

On the other hand, Rousseau thought "that we are only self-interested and competitive now because of the way that modern societies have developed" and in "pre-agricultural societies...humans could live a peaceful and fulfilling life, bound together by communal sentiments which kept our competitive and egoistic desires in check" (i.e., humans are naturally good, but "inequality breeds social division," and then it's all downhill from there). 

The author posits the ultimate question - "[Is it] possible to organize societies around the best aspects of our nature - empathy, generosity, solidarity - or [is] the most we can hope for [to find] ingenious ways of turning our self-interest to good use?"

A debate ensued and I sat there listening to my classmates argue back and forth...not saying a word. I was bewildered and heartbroken that at the young age of 16 a majority of the class believed humans were inherently evil... I felt like my faith had taught me otherwise.

.faith

Some of you know the saga of getting the title for my car - for those who don't, the short story: Paid off my car. Took six months to get the title due to a not-so-merry-go-round of phone calls and visits to the PA DMV, the VA DMV, and the lienholder - PNC. On my last trip to the VA DMV to resolve this title matter once and for all, the man helping me at counter 11 took my paperwork and told me to wait for 20-30 minutes to see if they could release and give me my title. I waited and nothing happened. The man at counter 11 told me he would call my cell phone later...when it was ready. After everything I had been through, my eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets and I started protesting.

"Have a little faith" said the man at counter 11.
"...okay..." I replied.

I grew up attending church almost every Sunday - a very progressive, liberal Presbyterian church in a small town about 45 minutes north of New York City. When I was confirmed, I was given a piece of the church's original slate roof with a painting of the church on the front and these verses on the back:

Matthew 22: 36-39

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law?”

Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’"

I spent a lot of time in and out of church learning about the second commandment - Love your neighbor as yourself - and who my neighbors are. It's very simple, and yet, sometimes, hard to feel like you can count on your neighbors...people...to do the same...to have a little faith in others when we are constantly let down.

Faith, to me, is an action and a constant exploration...that's how it grows. Faith is something that I often question and always fall back on. And neighbors are people. The people next door. The people who are your friends. The people at work. The people in our classrooms. The people on the metro. The people in China, Italy, France, Spain, Washington, California, New York...

And I don't think you have to have gone to church every Sunday of your childhood to have faith in people or believe in the Golden Rule.

The man at counter 11 did call me later that day on my last trip to the VA DMV. I got my title.

.science

Before switching to defense, I worked on public health contracts for over nine years - indoor air quality, asthma, and radiation with the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), ALS registry with the Agency for Toxic Substances and Disease Registry (ATSDR), public website redesign for the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (NHLBI) at the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a bioinformatics platform for the National Trauma Institute (NTI), program management / process improvement efforts for the Food and Drug Administration...

Yes, there is bureaucracy. Yes, it can be painfully slow and frustrating. Yes, there are bad eggs. But, they aren't in this for a bottom line...they are in this to protect us, serve us, to show is what is in the realm of possible... even with limited resources and constant budget cuts. Looking back on my projects during those nine years, that's what I learned the most about... the realm of possible...with evidenced-based decision making, dedication, and hard work, we can truly effect change.

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I never liked philosophy, but I still believe that we are naturally good.

I don't go to church anymore, but faith is forever, and I have faith that we can come together, the best of each of us, to fight this virus and to rebuild our world.

I know that we have the smartest, most dedicated scientists, medical officers, principal investigators, doctors, nurses... and while I don't trust them to design their own web pages, I trust them with my life. Trust them when they say to take this very seriously. Trust them when they tell you how to flatten the curve and prevent spread. 

For the love of all that is good and beautiful in this world, please, if you can, stay home. I can't. Give our first responders...our neighbors... a fighting chance.

with love,
KB