39 weeks

 “Time is a gift, given to you, given to give you the time you need, the time you need to have the time of your life.” ― Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

To my Milo, 

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that we made you in just 39 weeks…it sounds like such a short amount of time now, even though some weeks felt like an eternity and were full of emotions and uncertainty about all the ways our lives (and my body) were going to change. It has only been one week - and my, what a week it has been - but I am constantly in awe of you and could not be prouder to call you my son. 

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5 weeks - My legs started shaking uncontrollably after I looked at the results of the test I had just taken...I was overjoyed, scared, and anxious all at the same time. After making sure I didn’t knock a cup of pee across the counter (totally happened before with the OPKs), I walked out to the other room of our new apartment to tell your Dad. That’s another “just us” moment that will live on in my memory forever. The pandemonium of the world today is going to make these next 35 weeks together a little wacky. 

6 weeks - Today, my prayers were answered - Biden and Harris won! I wish I could tell you how happy it makes me that you will always know a world where it’s possible for a woman, the first Black person, and the first person of South Asian descent to be elected to the country’s second-highest office.

7 weeks - COVID is the worst it’s ever been here and I find myself looking at old photos of the places I’ve traveled to and thinking about all of the places I want to visit someday. What a small, yet big, magical, beautiful world we live in... I hope we get to see some of these places together...I hope you get to see some on your own, with your friends, your future spouse if you decide to get married... 

8 weeks - Now, there is you. And your heartbeat. Wow.

9 weeks - We have a lot to be thankful for this year - each other, our health, our families, our jobs, the honor of getting to be your Mom and Dad.

10 weeks - When I said COVID was the worst it’s ever been three weeks ago...j/k. Now it’s truly the worst it’s ever been. Don’t worry - I sanitize like a maniac and wear my mask over my nose AND my mouth religiously. We are going to be okay. 

11 weeks - Let this be a reminder to myself to tell you before you start your first job how to prioritize and set boundaries with your time. It took me many years to figure this out and sometimes I fall back into bad habits. Remember that at the end of the day, family is everything - those are the memories worth making. 

12 weeks - You grew so much on the ultrasound and were wiggling around. This week we told my family about you. They are all very excited! 

13 weeks - We made it to the first finish line! Whew! I actually feel like my old self a little . 

14 weeks - Happy New Year Lil’ Genghis! We get to meet you in 6 months! Your dad jokingly thinks your name should be “Genghis” after Genghis Khan. He’s going for the strong military vibe...we don’t even know if you’re a Genghis or a Xena Warrior Princess, but I am going to call you Lil’ Genghis for now. 

15 weeks - Not even a week into the new year and already an abhorrent and disgraceful attack on the Capitol by white supremacists...terrorists...Trump supporters... You will read about this some day in school and your Dad and I will be here to talk to you about it. 

16 weeks - We bought a house! I can’t believe it’s real - that all of this is real. I’ve dreamed about these moments...getting married, buying a house to raise a family in, having you...Four years ago none of this seemed within the realm of possibilities for me. I was divorced. Alone. And saving nothing. J, your Dad, is the biggest blessing to come into my life. God, I am so lucky...you are so lucky. None of these dreams would have come true without him. 

17 weeks - The real New Year is this week on Wednesday. January 1 was just a practice round. Hold on while I get some sparkling water to toast to President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. 

18 weeks - The doc said the other week that I should wait on the COVID vaccine. I think they’re being ridiculous. I want that shot series and I will find a way to get it. 

19 weeks - I just want to know why I lost so much hair and no one can tell me why or what I can do about it. I take my thyroid medication every morning. I take my prenatal every evening. All my bloodwork was normal. What gives? 

20 weeks - Lil’ Genghis! You have a Lil’ Genghis! You’re a BOY! Time to start some serious shopping! 

21 weeks - Today we saw your grandma for the first amount of extended time since Christmas 2019. She was part of the Pfizer trial last summer and turns out she got the real thing! And she has so much cute stuff for you! 

22 weeks - Your Dad felt your tiny little kick for the first time today. How special! 

23 weeks - What a week Lil’ Genghis! We closed on our house AND we got our first COVID shots! 

24 weeks - I almost forgot to write a note to you - things have been so busy. We had painters paint some rooms at the house this week. One of them was yours. I set up the kitchen today - and now I am exhausted. I rewarded myself with a small chocolate milkshake. I think you liked it! 

25 weeks - A woman gave birth this week to a baby with COVID-19 antibodies after receiving the Moderna vaccine. I hope I can give you those antibodies. 

26 weeks - We are all moved into our house today! I can’t wait until the carpet gets installed and then we can put your room together. 

27 weeks - The neighbors threw us a block party to welcome us to the neighborhood and they all brought gifts for you! One of the little boys wanted your blue bunny! We got it back. ️

28 weeks - We celebrated your Dad’s birthday by going out to dinner for the first time in over a year! Thanks, Moderna! 

29 weeks - Grandma came to visit! We got your room all set up. Just need a few more things. But, if you arrived tomorrow, we would be ready. ️

30 weeks - I washed all of your things this week and got them organized. I imagine how cute you will look in your outfits and I start to feel a little more like a Mom. I know I will love you - but this transition has been hard. Some day, you might understand what I mean. 

31 weeks - It’s been cool to see all your moves from the outside. I tried to take a video this week so that some day I can show you. Indy is ready to be your first best friend. And I’m ready for pregnancy to be over. 

32 weeks - You looked so cute on the ultrasound - sucking, almost 5lbs, and lots of hair! I can’t believe we get to meet you in 8 weeks! 

33 weeks - My back has been aching a lot and it’s harder to move around. I am constantly tired and breathless, but have trouble sleeping. I hope you come early. But, not too early! 

34 weeks - I feel your hiccups...in my butt... I sure hope this means you’ve turned the right way. 

35 weeks - Three years ago on Friday this week, your Dad sent me a message on Match.com ️

36 weeks - Lil’ Genghis, you turned!

37 weeks - Everything hurts and I think you need to come out soon. 

38 weeks - It’s Father’s Day on Sunday and you got your Dad a gift - it’s a little Mines onesie with Blaster on it. I hope you are crazy good at math like your Dad. You can play the house number game together on walks someday - you try to figure out if the number is divisible by 6 or 9 🤪 I just think about what’s for dinner. 

39 weeks - My water broke at 3 a.m. - I was very surprised because everything I read said that if it did break at all, it would feel like a “gush” or a “trickle”. Well, it was a lot more than a “gush”. Not only did it get all over the bathroom floor, but it also didn’t stop coming! They neglected to mention that part in the “What to Expect” app. I threw a few things into my mostly-prepped bag and your Dad quickly packed a bag for himself and drove us to the hospital - I was leaking uncontrollably the whole way. In triage they confirmed that my water definitely broke and that it would keep “trickling” throughout labor until delivery. After being admitted to our room, I was hooked up to a bunch of sensors to track your heartbeat and my contractions, started on an IV of pitocin, and had blood drawn. The contractions became more and more intense and I tried to move and breathe through them as best I could - your Dad applying counter-pressure on my back helped, but I eventually reached a point where there was no amount of movement or breathing that was going to cut it anymore...it hurt so badly. The hardest part was sitting completely still through contractions to receive the epidural I asked for to relieve the pain. After I received it, my blood pressure plummeted and I had to wear an oxygen mask and they had to adjust my position to find your heartbeat again. Once I recovered and they found your heartbeat, we rested easy until it was time...

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Milo, I am looking forward to all of the weeks… the time ahead of us…to have the time of our lives. 

with love, 

always,  

Mom

P.S. Dad wants you to know that in the pictures of us we had taken at 30 weeks, that I gave him that haircut. COVID times...Don’t worry - I won’t be cutting your hair.